Story of a cuckoo girl
Written by
gal_intrpted
Hi evrbody .. i'm new here and i am glad to have found this community. Here's my story:-
Currently i think i having relapse. Was diagonosed bipolar/manic depression about 5yrs ago. After a year of treatment, i was back on my feet again, found a job and slowly get back to my usual self. And slowly i started to quit eating those pills all together. Reasons why i stopped going for treatments were becoz I found it hard to get time off for appointments (i went to government hospital due to MUCH cheaper fees & they are only available on weekdays)and also becoz of financial burden for me to prescribe the medicine which was not under the subsidy. Thus i have to buy from the pharmacy (evnthough it is cheaper than outside..)
Then my problems started arise again when i changed work to different line hoping to have more "job satisfaction".
i started to have problems @ work, jumping frm 1 job to the other, having difficulty in communicate with people or expressing myself amongst others which made me even more frustrated & depressed.
I have thinking of killing myself because:
1) there is no cure in this depression. i have to depend on medication for my whole life. i have even surf the net looking the "best way" to kill myself..it turn out to be none as even the "best" way also has its risks.the only thing that turn me off is wat if i left "separuh mati"? that's the worse thing...
2) i dont want to be a burden to my family espcially..it's hurting & i feel i am so useless & not filial
3) i have lost faith in God, bcoz i thot of killing myself and for that i will go to hell..
4) dont get enof support frm society (u will get this funny stares frm them)and sadly mental illness not covered by insurance co here = emotional+financial burden to us sufferers
Thanks for listening to my craps.
Arghh... enof said. I think i going to check myself in tomorrow. Cya, doc! :(