Life is hard

I was born in Indonesia, where I lived for 17 years. 
 
My childhood was alright although I was not given much playing time with my friends. After school, I had to be at my family's shop to work there until the shop closed at night. 
 
It was like that until my high school although at times I was quite rebellious and had to be disciplined by my father and mother. They verbally and physically abused me if I made just simple mistakes and did not fulfil my duties. 
 
After I finished my high school where I did academically well, I was forced to come to Australia as otherwise, my father said I would not go on to continue my tertiary education at all. 
 
Therefore, I came and started to learn English. I did quite well and got into University with the major chosen by my family. 
 
During this time I found lots of changes in the environment and myself. The culture, language and people's characteristics seemed to be so different that it was very hard for me. Then, financial problems arose when economic crisis hit 5 years ago.
 
It was followed with problem with my family which is ongoing and in regards to my personal relationships. It's different from Indonesia, friends in Australia have never been really meaningful and amazing except one or two who have drifted away after finishing their education.
 
Relationship wise, it is difficult, however, it is what keeps me going on at the moment, although I cannot see clearly where myself and the relationship will end. Uncertain future, unstable and stressful current condition, family pressure and conflict as well as my tough uni education which I could barely pass, and lack of friends, those all become a big chunk of source of unhappiness. 
 
I can see no escape and no solutions to all of this life. Feeling hopeless and worthless becomes my character which was never present in the past.
 
Worse, I cannot concentrate, sleep well, motivate myself, think positive and neither can I try to socialize with meaningless and unhelpful friends. 
 
I don't enjoy whatever I used to like to do and when I got so low, I would eat alot and subsequently, my weight has gone up which even made me more stressed.
 
Wanting to end everything sometimes but I feel so guilty and like a loser even more if I do that. I am just stuck with all of those things in my head and my heart.
 
Sadness and occasionaly tears now I have. No smile in front of anyone anymore, no jokes, humours and playful person anymore. I can go nowhere now. 
 
I guess life is just hard.