Speed Bump

I was diagnosed with a severe depressive episode in 1999. At that time my GP referred me to a psychologist that I continued to see for approximately 1 year. I feel I was lucky to meet her as somehow we matched and she was able to really help me put my life back together.
 
At the first interview she reassured me that, in time, I would see this as one of life’s speed bumps to which I replied “it feels more like a nuclear explosion”.
 
There is no doubt that this episode continues to have influence over my life and the decisions I now make to suit “me” not others. I am still on treatment and I am told I am possibly one of the people that needs to stay on it longer term than some others. I talk about it openly but I do notice that people take me less seriously sometimes and that does frustrate me. But I have learnt, for me anyway…life has to be what “I” want it to be, not what the world deems acceptable and I have become strong enough in myself to say, no I want to do this and yes, I can see you might think that a little off beat but this is what I prefer. I can live with that, my inner self is at peace and to me that is priceless. I am fortunate to have a loving husband who will tell me kindly, “no, I do not think they meant that in a bad way”, and this often helps too.
 
My message? Simple, if you need help ask for it, do not be ashamed or frightened, I learnt depression is not a fad or an excuse, it is real, it has real effects and the sooner you face that, accept that, you can start to heal. It does take time there is no doubt about that, but I have gone from planning my demise to loving each day. The simple things for me, the clouds, birds, the cows at our back gate-that’s what makes my day worthwhile and wonderful. Find your paradise and stick with it.